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In the past, my efforts to find a close "mommy" friend have been futile. There was the one time when I was introduced to a potential mommy friend and made an inappropriate religious reference during tea time. She never returned my apologetic calls. And there was the time I attempted to pick-up a mom at a local playground, only to have my dear son Potato vomit all over her sweater. The sweater was cashmere, Potato has rampant gastric reflux. I knew then that the relationship wasn't meant to be.
After several years overseas, where making friends was as easy as “are you American,” I’m back in the land of my high school and college friends, people with amazingly fun lives but NO kids. So, in an effort to make friends that understand the day-to-day struggles of raising a one-year-old, I am going to embark on an adventure in mommy dating. Because, really, isn't attracting a new mommy friend very similar to going on a date?
Take the first date. The other day, I set up a get together at my house with a potential mom friend from work. I wanted to make the best first impression, so I did my hair and took a machete to the hair on my legs in an effort to make sure that she didn't perceive me to be a lazy schmuck that can’t get out of sweatpants most days (which I admit is a fair description of me). I cleaned the house, emptied the diaper pails, wiped down the walls, even made sure to dust the corners and Clorox-wipe all the doorknobs, just in case she might consider me a slob.
As the kids played downstairs, we sat over coffee, having difficulty making small talk. I didn’t want to reveal my secret fascination with trashy reality TV until at least the third date, when I was sure that she too found appreciation in such things. I made too many jokes, worrying that she wasn’t finding me as funny as I sometimes think I am. I also worried that she was offended by my over-amorous husky, who humped her leg when she walked in the door.
When that first date was finally over, I found myself in a state of nervous wonder. Did she like me? Will she call after three days? If I call her, will I seem too eager? Did she even like me, or was this a mommy friendship of pure convenience?
If the first date goes swimmingly, you and your new mommy friend will make other plans – a shopping trip maybe, with or without the children. You will bond over the trials and tribulations of potty training or the latest craze in yak fur socks. Perhaps you will even discover that you have a mutual love of organic gardening or badminton.
Eventually, by the third outing, you get a sense of how serious this mom relationship will become. It might turn out to be a passing fling, where you get together every time the kids are out from school. Or, it might become so serious that you decide to take the relationship to the next level – you know, going out of town together for the weekend (often the husbands are involved in this one, too).
If you are lucky, your relationship lasts a lifetime, or until one insults the other’s hairdo or fashion sense and then IT’S OVER.
I jest.
But, there does come a point where you know it’s ok to be yourself, i.e. wearing sweatpants during the day and watching Project Runway, because at that point, you are best friends and no amount of “being yourself” will tear you apart.
So, after my recent first try, my new mom friend and I went on a few more dates, but then decided to go our separate ways. Her kid was annoying and mine vomited on her too many times. It’s ok though. She wasn’t my type anyway.
