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For instance, I would like to thank my pants this morning for not fitting. I would then continue to praise those pants for the welts they left in my groin by not being flexible and allowing my stomach some room to pooch. C'mon pants, get with the program. Stupid bitchy pants.
I would like to take this opportunity to thank the Virginia Department of Taxation, who, in their infinite wisdom (and obviously highly educated-at-Chucky-Cheese staff), decided that now, in 2010, I may or may not have filed a tax return in the State of Virginia in 2006. When I may or may not have lived in Virginia in 2006 in the first place. In that case, I may or may not need to resend those taxes. I'm leaning toward the may not.
Next up on my thank you list are the people at the Inova Fairfax GI Clinic. I would really like to tell them how thrilled I am that we have now seen 5 of their 7 doctors, had our son admitted to the hospital twice because of the repercussions of their recommendations, and now are dealing with a very unhappy little guy because of a medicine that they prescribed that we specifically told them would not work. I really appreciate how much they listen to us and treat our son like an individual. It really warms my heart.
It also warms my heart that my neighbor in my training class today looked me up and down when I walked in today and then gave me a look of disgust. I would really like to give her a hug and thank her for making me feel like a soiled, disgusting bum because I wore the only pants-sweater combination, proper for work, that wasn't dirty. Why don't you come over and do my laundry if you are going to be so snotty? At least I have a husband...(ok that was mean....well not that mean).
And finally, I would really like to tell my dog that I appreciate all of the holes he has chewed in my socks, blankets, and sheets, and all the fights he has caused. And I would like to tell him that if he doesn't learn how to do something helpful, like wash the dishes, he's going to be out on his little doggie buttocks.
So thank you, thank you. I'm just so thankful that I have you people in my life.
10 comments:
This was awesome! Especially the part about the bitchy pants! Love it!
I'd like to post a comment to this -- I really would. Unfortunately, however, it has rendered me speechless. I suggest chocolate or large quantities of alcoholic beverages. Or both.
Love,
Your Mother
I love your approach to this. Also, your mother rocks. :)
You're welcome :p
found you via your post on LB, I too have had a recent Bitch session, feels so good! Now following.
I really liked your take on it. I have gone through Bitch sessions before a few times and I totally can relate to what you feel.
HAR! My husband would describe many of my thank-you's as the 'bitchy' kind!! Bonus points for mentioning BY NAME those folks most deserving of bitchy talk. wOOt! AWESOME.
Hilarious!
The dog thing drives me crazy! the other day my dog jumped over my laptop even though it there was CLEARLY (to me) not enough room for her to do so and pulled the E key off my laptop. After a huge yelling match with my husband about whose fault it was (mine, of course, because the dog doesn't have any logic), he fixed it. Ugh
Stopping by from Lady Blogger's Tea Party!
LOL I'm glad you linked this up. Doesn't it make you feel so much better to vent like that? I've had a few TYVM posts yelling at my pants for being so tight!!
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